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Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Dream Team, Part Deux

Fresh off his 1988 comedic epic, Clean and Sober, Michael Keaton leads an all star cast in this hilarious movie about patients in a sanitarium. In The Dream Team, Dr. Weitzman, convinced that all that his "group" needs is some fresh air and some time away from the sanitarium, persuades the administration to allow them to go to a ballgame. When they are taken to a ball game by Dr. Weitzman, he accidentally stumbles across a murder in progress and ends up in a hospital they after being attacked.

To give you an idea on what we’re dealing with,

· Billy Caufield is a tad delusional.

· Henry Sikorsky believes he's a doctor.

· Jack McDermott is an ad executive who believes Jesus is speaking to him.

· Albert Ianuzzi is an adult who occasionally wets himself.

The four crazies find that Weitzman will be murdered as a witness and no one believes four mental patients. They have to both use and overcome their delusions in order to save their doctor while dealing with both the police and the killers looking for them. The group is stranded in New York City, forced to cope with a place which is often more bizarre than their sanitarium. In a sense, they woke up in the morning, were playing pin

g-pong in the hospital recreation room, and next thing they know, they're lost in New York City and framed for murder. This was never covered in group therapy.


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Michael Keaton

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Billy Caufield

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Christopher Lloyd

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Henry Sikorsky

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Peter Boyle

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Jack McDermott

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Stephen Furst

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Albert Ianuzzi

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Dennis Boutsikaris

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Dr. Weitzman

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Lorraine Bracco

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Riley


So, for reasons other than unemployment and too much time on my hands, why the heck am I giving you a recap of a 21 year-old movie?

Really, no reason whatsoever other than I needed to get my creative juices flowing. Sotomayor uses foreign legal rulings; I use 1980s B-Movies. Actually, I’ve always been partial to this movie and more than one epic in my life has started and ended along the lines of the movie, other than, of course, starting and ending my adventure in an insane asylum.

Although, come to think of it, if an alien walked into my home on most days, I think their first conclusion was that if this is representative of the planet, it’s time to get the ICBMs out of the bullpen and clean up this mess……But, back to important reviews of 1988 movies……

But were these people crazy? Relatively speaking, who knows?

We live in a world where attorneys general and governors slither away under the cloud of crimes or extramarital affairs, crying on TV as they apologize for their “sins” while most of those who remain in office have little solace other than themselves having the good fortune of never having been caught (yet), or, in some cases, simply getting away with (Mary Joe Kopechne, RIP).

[great article by Peggy Noonan of the WSJ where she asks: "Something about the steely-eyed rocket men of the Mercury and Apollo programs: They weren't criers. Now, on TV every day as people remember some trauma or triumph, they stop as if on cue—they know this is expected of them—and weep. They think this shows sincerity and sensitivity. But they feel too much about their struggles. I sometimes watch with fascination those shows where people lose weight. They often begin to sob as they fall off the treadmill or remember the Twinkie they didn't eat. This is now the national style. It makes Europeans laugh. When they're about to be mawkish or overly emotional they say, "I don't mean to get American on you." The men who took the moon will be all over TV the next few days. I bet they don't cry as they remember "Tranquility Base here, the Eagle has landed." How moving their dry eyes will be.]

I think that I don’t actually know what the word “crazy” means any more after learning about autism spectrum disorders over the last few years through the experiences, both joyful and tear-filled , with my son. Some of you may have read this a couple years ago:

I am a parent of an autistic 4 year old boy who currently attends a school for autistic children in Massachusetts. While on vacation in Washington, DC during the 4th of July vacation week, I took the attached picture of my son at the Lincoln Memorial. While it wasn't my goal in taking the picture, I think the picture wonderfully illustrates autism in way that I've never personally been able to do.

The words on the wall are the Gettysburg Address, one of the most beautiful speeches ever written by an American citizen. If you haven't read his speech lately, please try - it words are truly moving. Shown below the speech's text is my son. At 4, with the help of some amazing teachers, he has taught himself to read and to write and is more than capable of reading the speech. Yet, notice that below these most beautiful words, my son is choosing to examine the cracks in the wall rather than the words on the wall. As the words on the wall so often describe the challenges our country faces, this picture of my son studying the cracks in the wall, to me, defines the challenges my son, and so many other autistic children, face.

A lot has happened since I wrote this several years ago.

My son is about to start kindergarten and wants to learn Italian (he’ll be translating for diplomats by January – as long as they can tell the difference between what the ambassador actually said and Spencer’s occasional “sonic the hedgehog” sidebar, we should be good) and is excited about both and so am I. The country chose a president whose election, in some ways, may signify the end of The Civil War and the country is/was excited about it. Personally, I’m not excited about it one iota – about the president, that is, not the end of The Civil War. Go North.

But, even with all those changes – quite a bit for two years - my son is still autistic and racial narratives still dominate the news.

Is that sane?

Is that the back drop by which we measure “crazy”?

Well, I guess, like Billy Caufield’s delusional tendencies, my son isn’t quite “normal”. And, like Henry Sikorsky belief that he’s a doctor, I’ve been calling myself an accountant for years and my wife believes that she is the head of a major corporation (with its world headquarters located in our kitchen). My daughter, like Albert Ianuzzi, occasionally wets herself, but unlike my faults and my wife's, I suppose hers can be forgiven as she is only three.

So, maybe once again, my life has begun to mirror The Dream Team and I’m living the Dream Team, Part Deux. But, if that is the case, I feel for the poor bastard who is going to play the role of Dr. Weitzman in this drama and if I am forced to go to New Yankee Stadium, can I sit in one of those really good seats that no one is sitting in?


Footnote: Text of Gettysburg Address

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate...we can not consecrate...we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government: of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Top Seven Tips for Taxpayers Starting a New Business

Top Seven Tips for Taxpayers Starting a New Business

again, not nearly as exciting as the upcoming "The Dream Team, Part Deux", but potentially useful to the unemployed.....


Top Seven Tips for Taxpayers Starting a New Business

IRS Summertime Tax Tip 2009-02
Anyone starting a new business this summer should be aware of their federal tax responsibilities. Here are the top seven things the IRS wants you to know if you plan on opening a new business this year.
First, you must decide what type of business entity you are going to establish. The type your business takes will determine which tax form you have to file. The most common types of business are the sole proprietorship, partnership, corporation and S corporation.
The type of business you operate determines what taxes you must pay and how you pay them. The four general types of business taxes are income tax, self-employment tax, employment tax and excise tax.
An Employer Identification Number is used to identify a business entity. Generally, businesses need an EIN. Visit IRS.gov for more information about whether you will need an EIN. You can also apply for an EIN online at IRS.gov.
Good records will help you ensure successful operation of your new business. You may choose any recordkeeping system suited to your business that clearly shows your income and expenses. Except in a few cases, the law does not require any special kind of records. However, the business you are in affects the type of records you need to keep for federal tax purposes.
Every business taxpayer must figure taxable income on an annual accounting period called a tax year. The calendar year and the fiscal year are the most common tax years used.
Each taxpayer must also use a consistent accounting method, which is a set of rules for determining when to report income and expenses. The most commonly used accounting methods are the cash method and an accrual method. Under the cash method, you generally report income in the tax year you receive it and deduct expenses in the tax year you pay them. Under an accrual method, you generally report income in the tax year you earn it and deduct expenses in the tax year you incur them.
Visit the Business section of IRS.gov for resources to assist entrepreneurs with starting and operating a new business.
Links:
Starting A Business
Operating A Business
Closing A Business
Publication 4591, Small Business Federal Tax Responsibilities (PDF 470.1K)
Publication 334, Tax Guide for Small Business (PDF 286.2K)
Order Publication 1066C, A Virtual Small Business Tax Workshop DVD
Subscribe to Tax Tips

Friday, July 10, 2009

Tax Benefits for Job Seekers

well, for better or for worse, others are having their own "summer of [fill in name here]" - if so, this information may be of use to you....next blog entry is in the works - look for "The Dream Team, Part Deux" coming soon

IRS Summertime Tax Tip 2009-01

Many taxpayers spend time during the summer months polishing their résumé and attending career fairs. If you are searching for a job this summer, you may be able to deduct some of your expenses on your tax return.

Here are the top six things the IRS wants you to know about deducting costs related to your job search.

  1. In order to deduct job search costs, the expenses must be spent on a job search in your current occupation. You may not deduct expenses incurred while looking for a job in a new occupation.

  2. You can deduct employment and outplacement agency fees you pay while looking for a job in your present occupation. If your employer pays you back in a later year for employment agency fees, you must include the amount you receive in your gross income up to the amount of your tax benefit in the earlier year.

  3. You can deduct amounts you spend for preparing and mailing copies of a résumé to prospective employers as long as you are looking for a new job in your present occupation.

  4. If you travel to an area to look for a new job in your present occupation, you may be able to deduct travel expenses to and from the area. You can only deduct the travel expenses if the trip is primarily to look for a new job. The amount of time you spend on personal activity compared to the amount of time you spend looking for work is important in determining whether the trip is primarily personal or is primarily to look for a new job.

  5. You cannot deduct job search expenses if there was a substantial break between the end of your last job and the time you begin looking for a new one.

  6. You cannot deduct job search expenses if you are looking for a job for the first time.

For more information about job search expenses, see IRS Publication 529, Miscellaneous Deductions. This publication is available on the IRS Web site, IRS.gov or by calling 800-TAX-FORM (800-829-3676).

Links:

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Lunch

Today's discussion, my first true post to this all important blog, will discuss something near and dear to my heart: Lunch. Now, while this may seem trivial, it is, in fact, more than trivial. And, if "The Three Amigo's" taught us nothing, it's that infamous means more than famous. So, by clear extension, intrivial must mean more than trivial. Thus, welcome to intrivial blog about today's lunch.

Now, lunch is a more difficult subject than one might imagine if a) no one in your house really thinks a lot about shopping b) no one in your house prepares a meal that involves any steps beyond store-bought marinades, and 3) Gianni's Pizza on Edgel Road in Framingham, possibly the greatest pizza since the fall of Papa Gino's, is on speed dial of every phone in the house.

In my life, lunch is usually the first and only real meal of the day. Breakfast usually consists of McDonald's bagel and a diet coke. Which, might you know, was also the breakfast of choice at the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games….But I digress…..So, for today's lunch, I was fortunate enough to find turkey in the refrigerator. What makes that all the more miraculous, that I found not just lunch meats, but also bread…..and bread without any of that fuzzy green seasoning either. So, its go time.

First step is to decide on condiments. Clearly the choice comes down to some mustard variant or a creamy mayo-type product. So, given the miracle of finding both lunch meat and bread at the same time, I made the obvious choice. Use both. After laying down some wheat bread on a not-unclean counter, I put down a nice strip of miracle whip on one slice and a "Z" shaped spread of grey poupon Dijon with the horseradish kicker. After laying down the turkey, I was faced with a conundrum – where to put cheese? I pulled back the turkey and put the cheese directly on the condiments on each slice and then re-layered the turkey.

Finally came the revelation that made this intrivial meal possible – Lawry's seasoned salt . For those of you not familiar – get with the game.

Now, to finish it off, I threw another piece of bread down in the middle to go club sandwich style (yes, I know its blasphemy to say such things when bacon is not involved). Final step – throw the whole thing in the toaster and this what intrivial is really all about


Next up on the intrivial scale – proper nap technique.



Monday, June 15, 2009

Welcome to Paul's House of Eating, Napping, and Television

Welcome to Paul's House of Eating, Napping, and Television

suffice it to say, everything's in a name! i look forward to sharing my thoughts with you in the future....